It has been one year since Dad died. I spent the day going through a box of forgotten photos and discovered a treasure trove of happy memories. We talked about many of the fun things we remember. Aidan always talks about going fishing with Grandpoppa. He remembered the first time they went he didn't catch anything. But when they went fishing in Utah, Grandpoppa helped him catch his first fish, a trout. I told Oliver how Grandpoppa gave him his middle name. After he was born, I called Grandpoppa from the hospital and told him we needed a middle name for Oliver. He said he thought Holt would be a good one. It was my Great Grandpa's middle name. So, Holt it was. Rick remembered Rog turning on the football game and falling asleep and getting him in trouble with Grandma for watching football all the time. I remembered the incident of Dad making peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches for himself and Aidan with the dog's peanutbutter. How he laughed and laughed about it. Tonight I got to talk with Mom and all my siblings. I needed to feel close to my family. While it is still very painful to think of how hard that time was and it hasn't gotten any easier and somedays it feels like an unbearable weight on my shoulders and my chest hurts and I can't breathe, there are also good days full of happy memories, like today. I just have to remind myself that "sadness doesn't really need a cure--just hugs, and the right kind of remembering." I miss you Dad. I'm sad that Mom has to be without her sweetheart. I'm sad that my kids won't grow up knowing you. But I'm grateful for all the wonderful, priceless memories you created.
Monday, October 6, 2008
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It has been one year since Dad died. I spent the day going through a box of forgotten photos and discovered a treasure trove of happy memories. We talked about many of the fun things we remember. Aidan always talks about going fishing with Grandpoppa. He remembered the first time they went he didn't catch anything. But when they went fishing in Utah, Grandpoppa helped him catch his first fish, a trout. I told Oliver how Grandpoppa gave him his middle name. After he was born, I called Grandpoppa from the hospital and told him we needed a middle name for Oliver. He said he thought Holt would be a good one. It was my Great Grandpa's middle name. So, Holt it was. Rick remembered Rog turning on the football game and falling asleep and getting him in trouble with Grandma for watching football all the time. I remembered the incident of Dad making peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches for himself and Aidan with the dog's peanutbutter. How he laughed and laughed about it. Tonight I got to talk with Mom and all my siblings. I needed to feel close to my family. While it is still very painful to think of how hard that time was and it hasn't gotten any easier and somedays it feels like an unbearable weight on my shoulders and my chest hurts and I can't breathe, there are also good days full of happy memories, like today. I just have to remind myself that "sadness doesn't really need a cure--just hugs, and the right kind of remembering." I miss you Dad. I'm sad that Mom has to be without her sweetheart. I'm sad that my kids won't grow up knowing you. But I'm grateful for all the wonderful, priceless memories you created.
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5 comments:
You have some fun photos there. But, you did make me cry. It is often on my mind that the kids will grow up without him.
He really loved his grandkids. That's the part of his not being here that makes me the saddest.
I'm so glad you found all those pictures. Seems like a God-incidence.
What a treasure for Oliver to know his Grandpa helped give him his middle name.
I agree, sadness doesn't need a cure. It's a feeling that shows the depth of our love.
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