Monday, September 29, 2008


I had some quiet time today while the kids were napping.  I listened to the message once then deleted it.  The message where Mom told me she was going to the hospital because the nurse called to say she couldn't maintain Dad's blood pressure.  No tears.  Sad, but no tears.  I tried to erase it a few days ago--I listened to it probably half a dozen times, bawling, and couldn't do it.  I had mixed emotions about it today.  Maybe I need counseling.  Anyway, I think it will be good to not have that flashing at me constantly.  I'm grateful for quiet moments alone.


Colorado Kid said...

This hurts to read but I'm glad you were able to do what you needed to do. We love you!

Clam Chowder Queen said...

That sounds so hard to do. I find myself hanging on to some of those things that remind me of that sad time. I finally took all of my visitor stickers from the hospital off of my makeup bag and threw all of them away, except 1 (which I took off, but put away in the file cabinet....I had a hard time tossing the other ones. I think I was afraid that I would forget that hard time, but now I find myself wanting to dwell more on the happy times.

I am glad that there were no tears this time for seems to be a long, hard, slow healing process for us all.

mjhay said...

I have no nothing to hold on too from that moment in time. Scott told me to call the hospital and talk to your Dad. I didn't want to bother him if he wasn't feeling well, but I did it anyway. Even though I only got to talk to him for a minute (They were taking him away to do some test) I was able to tell him I loved him. I didn't get to see him or say goodbye but I got to tell him I love him. I can still hear his tired voice but I am grateful I had that moment with him.

I think your family is wonderful. I am glad that you all share your grief and pain together. I think there is a lot of healing in that. You have all come a long way in the last year.